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THE REAL TOOLKIT is aw about relationships, empathy, and love. Not just about information. Workers are scared to use the word love. But parents are supposed to love and help.
It’s natural to find it challenging to connect with care-experienced young people. You may worry the relationship isn’t progressing—or that too much closeness might create dependency. Finding the balance is essential.
Young people may have experienced repeated changes in carers, professionals, and relationships, leaving them cautious or self-protective. They may not know what a healthy relationship looks like. Showing that you care is the first step, but equally important is showing where the boundaries are.
Boundaries are not barriers—they are safety lines. They make the relationship predictable, model respect, and protect both the young person and you. For many care-experienced young people, clear and consistent boundaries can be as healing as emotional warmth, because they signal reliability in a world that has often been unpredictable.
To build strong, safe connections:
· Plan the “where” and “when” – Choose settings and timings that make early interactions easier.
· Match the method to the person – Some respond best to face-to-face contact; others may prefer digital or blended communication.
· Involve them – Give young people choice in how you work together.
· Understand their history without making assumptions – Approach with curiosity, not stereotypes.
· Recognise and explain boundaries – Be clear about your role, availability, and limits. Explain why these are important for safety and respect.
· Stay consistent – Changing boundaries without good reason or explanation undermines trust.
· Know your organisational culture – Understand how it supports or hinders relational work, and challenge unhelpful norms.
Workers should also set personal boundaries to protect their own wellbeing. Being honest about your limitations, asking for support, and taking care of yourself helps ensure you can provide the stable, relational care that young people need.
· Show up, consistently– Reliability builds trust.
· Listen actively– Make space for their voice and reflect it back.
· Be transparent– Set and revisit expectations together.
· Respond, don’t react– Adapt to cues in behaviour and mood.
· Model healthyrelationships – Demonstrate empathy, honesty, and respect inhow you uphold boundaries.
· Protect your wellbeing– Use supervision and peer support to sustain your capacity to be present andconsistent.
You might consider the Erickson 4-Stage Model: Engage → Negotiate →Enable → Endings (Erickson, 2018)
Also explore the our guide on relationships-based practice.
*Relationship-based practice is an approach that prioritises building trusting, consistent, and empathetic relationships as the foundation for support. *It recognises that meaningful change and positive outcomes are more likely when young people feel valued, understood, and safe in their interactions with adults. *It focuses on the quality of the human connection rather than solely on procedures, emphasising active listening, authenticity, and mutual respect.
*Trauma-informed practice recognises how common trauma is, and how deeply it shapes young people’s development, behaviour, and relationships. *It aims to create safety, avoid re-traumatisation, and promote resilience and healing. *Early experiences leave lasting marks on body and mind. Trauma-informed practice takes this knowledge and applies it so practitioners and organisations can build safe, healing spaces.
Introductions matter — when, how, and where they happen can shape a young person’s entire experience of transition. For young people in care, transitions are often the most difficult times, especially when they involve changes in trusted relationships. This guide looks at how to approach introductions and referrals through the lens of relational practice, focusing on building trust and avoiding unnecessary stress.
What do IT systems and relationships have in common? Both usually run in the background and are easily taken for granted. Yet, IT systems can have a big influence on the quality of relationships and relational practice in general.
One of the first things you learn when you start your job is when you need to arrive and when you need to leave. Have you ever considered that the pattern of your work affects the relationships you are building?
Organisational values influence the working culture. They can inspire workers to follow the organisation's mission. However, for them to have an impact they need to be developed with staff and young people.
It is important to keep learning and growing. Recognise your staff’s value and expertise by developing internal training and discussion sessions. Enable staff to learn and train more. Training should not be a tick-box exercise but a place for growth and reflection.
As is often said, hurt people hurt people – it is even more important to consider the flipside: supported people support people. Working with young people and caring for them can be a demanding role, especially in under-resourced and stressful environments. A truly relational organisation also invests in the relationships between managers and staff, creating a positive environment for everyone.
Relationships are shaped by the culture of organisations. Sometimes one person who ‘doesn’t get it’ can create relational barriers for an entire team. So, it’s easy to see why recruiting the right people is critical to create and maintain a relational organisation.
Relationships are essential to all parts of life and encompass both our professional and personal lives. They are a vital part of the support networks for our young people and the stronger the relationship the better we can all do our jobs, perhaps making them feel less like a job and more like a vocation. And perhaps more importantly, the stronger the relationship the more important a young person might feel.
